Four steps, one evening, your own script:

1. Map the script. Person by person, we get clear on the comments you already know are coming, when they usually land, and what they pull you into.

2. Write your words. Short, calm replies in your own voice, using a simple four-step ladder from the gentle pass to the clear boundary. Then we practise them out loud, so they live in your body and not just on paper.

3. Plan your exits. How to step out of a conversation, out of the room, and out of the day when you've had enough, without a scene and without apologising on the doorstep.

4. Hold it after. What to do when they push back, the message that arrives at 11pm, and the guilt that so often turns up in the car on the way home.

You'll walk away with

• Your own script card for the day: the person, the line, your words, your exits and your leaving line, all on one card you can keep in your phone

• Words you've already said out loud, so they come out calmly when it counts

• A plan for leaving, so your body knows there's a way out and doesn't have to brace so hard

• The 24 hour rule, for every message that arrives after the gathering

• A simple way to meet the guilt without acting on it

This is for you if...

• You already know, almost word for word, what's going to be said

• You either go quiet and shrink, or over-explain and regret it

• You want to stay connected to your family without disappearing in the process

• You'd rather walk in with a plan than spend the weeks before dreading it

This isn't for you if...

• You're looking for clever comebacks to win the argument. This is about staying yourself, not scoring points

• Being around someone in your family isn't physically or emotionally safe for you. In that case, please reach out to me privately, because the plan is your safety, not better words

You can spend the next few weeks dreading it, rehearsing arguments in the shower and hoping this is the year they'll be different. Or you can spend one evening getting ready, so that when the line lands, you hear yourself say something calm and true, and you're still you at the end of the day.